The Relationship You Have With YOU

Oh, February.. that chilly time of year when the holidays are over, it’s frigid outside and we jump right into... the season of love, with the not-so-gentle public reminder of Valentine’s Day everywhere we turn all month long. Yet before anyone can think clearly about romantic relationships, whether you are single, dating, in a new or long-term relationship, or whatever the case may be, it is absolutely crucial to think about the MOST important relationship in your life, the one you have with yourself!

“The relationship you have with yourself

sets the tone

for every other

relationship you have” – Jane Travisi

Here are THREE WAYS to improve the relationship you have with yourself:

1. Get to know who you REALLY are: Autopilot. So many of us are going through life on autopilot. We move from one activity to another to another to another (wake up, phone, family, shower, work, eat, work, eat, workout, phone, family, TV, phone, TV, snacks-you get the point) until we fall into bed and wake up just to do it all over again the next day. Research shows that over 90% of our thoughts are the same thoughts as the ones we had yesterday! If we do not make a conscious choice to pay attention to what we are thinking, and doing, it is so easy to lose sight. One way to get to know yourself is to simply check in with yourself- so, ask yourself- am I doing things that I am passionate about? When am I at my best? My worst? Here are 58 great journal questions for self-discovery to get you started on really getting to know yourself!

2. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, the way you would treat a loved one: So often, people are very hard on themselves, and think and speak about themselves negatively and harshly. What if instead, we treated ourselves with self-compassion and kindness, the way we would treat a child (or anyone for that matter) who was upset or feeling vulnerable in some way? Notice the self-talk that comes up throughout the day. Are you criticizing yourself? Constantly questioning your choices/decisions, etc? Do you find yourself calling yourself names, or putting yourself down? This truly matters! “Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself” -David Taylor-Klaus. Need some help with this shift? Here are 6 ways to practice positive self-talk (without feeling like you’re straight-up lying to yourself).

3. Improve your daily habits: I am a firm believer that daily routines are an essential component of cultivating change. As John Maxwell said- “you will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine.” Specifically, having a daily morning routine that might include (not scrolling on your phone right away!) and instead moving your body, journaling and/or meditating is a good starting point. Check out this book by Mel Robbins, speaker and author of the five-second rule (yes it only takes five seconds and yes it can really change your life!) if you need a great place to begin! If you’re not ready to buy the book, she can be found on Instagram at @melrobbins.

When we can take a deep dive into our own lives, learn about our quirks, what excites us, and what may be holding us back, we can begin to make real shifts, both big and small. And, as Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) in Sex and the City says… “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”